


how are you perfect (even when youre falling apart)

by howfunny



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Fluff, harry potter is depressed, oc is depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-29 21:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20088946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howfunny/pseuds/howfunny
Summary: a one shot i wrote bc i wanna die so instead i wrote this. basically harry messes up and now emma's upset.





	how are you perfect (even when youre falling apart)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i'm super sorry for how sucky it is but i rlly just needed to do something lol, it took me under five minutes so try to ignore any spelling or grammar mistakes

My heart skipped a beat and a puddle of guilt settled heavy in my gut. 

"'M sorry" a barely whispered word traveled from her dry cracked lips. 

"I-" a wordless sound escaped my mouth as my mind drew a blank on how to take back what I said, tried to think of some way, any way, to make this better.

She shuffled her feet, they must be cold, I thought. Standing with no socks on the cold bathroom floor. I caught my face in the mirror and grimaced. She flinched, more of her short brown hair falling out of her bun, she raised her eyes hesitantly and my heart stopped. The guilt in my stomach physically hurt. I felt sick. My throat was blocked by pride. I needed to apologize. I needed to apologize for making those expressive brown eyes feel nothing. 

I was lost. no matter what had happened, or how bad things were, there was always something. Some type of emotion, more frequently anger or deep sadness. But now there was nothing. 

The need to say something was strong, but then she was gone. The faint scent of her shampoo left behind as her door clicked quietly shut behind her. 

I should knock. I should knock and explain and say sorry. I knew I should, and yet I was still standing in the bathroom looking at dull brown eyes and thick black hair. It wasn't the time, but I couldn't help but envy Emma. Envy the way everything about her was perfect, even as she was falling apart. 

\---

The walk from the bathroom to her door was only four steps, but it felt like it took four years for me to make it across. It's weird how easy knocking seems normally, but right now, it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I cant help but remember all the times when I was being stubborn, and how Emma would run her fingers through my hair, and with her smile perfectly indulgent, she'd kiss my nose and tell me my stubbornness was one of her favorite things about me. I wish I could say the same. 

Instead of knocking, I decided to just start talking. The chances of being let in the room, were very slim, and Emma wouldn't be able to not listen to me, I was certain of that much. 

"Em, listen," I cleared my throat once more before beginning again, "I'm sorry. I mean, no, well I am sorry, but I should've said something else, actually, uh." I stopped. This was the worst thing I've ever done and I knew things were never going to be the same unless I fixed this right now. 

"Okay, Emma, I know I shouldn't have said what I did, and I didn't mean it. Not even a little." I waited a little. Okay, no response, that's fine. Personally, I thought that was a perfectly good apology. 

A shuffle, a sniff, and then footsteps. My breath caught in my throat. She's gonna open the door. She's gonna open the door and I'm not read. Ready for what, I wasn't exactly sure, but I was positive I was not ready for her to open the door, I wasn't ready to be face to face with her, and yet I couldn't help but wish for her to hurry up and open the door already. 

All to soon, or maybe not soon enough, she was standing in front of me. Just a few inches away. There was a curl, a perfect red curl and my mind flashed to all the times I pushed her curls out of her face while she was reading, or sleeping, or talking, or doing anything really. Her curls never seemed to stay where she wanted them to. 

She opened her mouth as if to talk, but then it was closed and all she did was let out a little breath and my eyes were immediately drawn to her lips. She shifted and put her hands on her hips, brown eyes staring defiantly up at me, and I couldn't help but be relieved there was emotion in her eyes again. The moonlight from her window seemed to make her skin glow a glorious tan and made her freckles stand out that much more. She was beautiful. She was beautiful in everything she did. 

"Harry, I cant just, put this behind me. You hurt," her voice cracked, and my heart cracked a little more because of it," you hurt me." She finished her sentence softly. I wanted to say sorry again, and say it until the space between us was gone, until her eyes were shinning again, until her lips were smiling, until everything was better. But there was more, I could see it in the way she still refused to look me in the eye. 

"I'm, willing to try to work this out. But you took something I told you in confidence and you threw it in my face." The ugly ball of guilt in my stomach rolled at the unsteady way she said that. It wasn't confident. It wasn't her. 

"Em, Emmy, you know I didn't mean to, I won't ever, ever do it again." I stared in her eyes, trying to show her how earnest I was being. To show her how much it was hurting me to hurt her. 

She looked away, and my heart broke. She had every right to tell me that we were over. That she didn't care what I said. The world stopped moving as I acknowledged the fact that she could kick me out, and then I would have to go back to my Aunt and Uncles. But Emma wouldn't do that. She wouldn't. Right? 

"The problem is that you did. You didn't mean to sure, but you did it," a deep breathe, "and even though I should hate you, I don't. I love you. But things aren't gonna go back to the way they were. I'm gonna need time. But I do still love you. I probably always will. Your it for me Harry, no matter how bad you mess it up." She smiled then, and all of a sudden, I felt like I could take on Voldemort. I swear a rainbow formed outside. Her smile made everything right in the world. 

"I love you too." I probably should've said more, but somehow, in that moment, it was enough. She was it for me. There was no one else. Of that, I was undeniably, completely 100% certain of. Emma Reagan was the love of my life, no matter how cheesy that may sound.


End file.
